


S4 E13 The Long Goodbye

by JDPostEpisodeChallenge



Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [57]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDPostEpisodeChallenge/pseuds/JDPostEpisodeChallenge
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [57]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1087419
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	1. Josh

CJ doesn’t talk about it much, but for those of us closest to her she doesn’t hide it well either. It’s easy to see that it has been wearing on her for years but she can’t just hope it will go away anymore.

I peek into her office and give a knock on the door, waiting for her to acknowledge my presence before entering. 

“Mi amor,” she greets me with a sad smile, lacking her usual grandiose use of the nickname to greet me. I can see the exhaustion in her eyes. I place a warm mug of tea that Donna brewed on her desk and move to close the door to her office. It’s late and most of the reporters had gone home hours ago, but I still want to offer her an added layer of privacy before I say anything. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I shove my hands into my suit pants and wait patiently for her response. I know I don’t often come across as an overly effective communicator, but I do have some experience in the particular area where she’s struggling. 

“About what?” She gives me a non-answer and tries to cover her emotions with her Press Secretary face. She’s all strength and sophistication with a little bit of sass when she stands behind the podium but in the unguarded moments, though rare, she’s carrying a heaviness in her heart. I see it, because I carry it too. 

“That look doesn’t work on me,” I remind her with a self deprecating smirk. “I invented that look.” 

She laughs softly at my comment and sits back in her chair, staring at an unassuming spot on her desk. 

“It was difficult.” She admits in a more timid voice than I’d anticipated from the powerful woman I have come to think of as a sister. But that’s the wonderful thing about CJ. She’s unapologetically human. 

I perch on the armrest of the visitor’s chair on the opposite side of her desk and simply wait. If she honestly doesn’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t have to. But something tells me she does. And either way, I want her to know I’m here if she needs a friend. 

“He seemed afraid. Or maybe I was just afraid for him. I kept thinking that if there was just some way I could take care of him so he wouldn’t have to spend every day with these strangers... but then I realized that I’m a stranger too.”

I do my best to listen with empathy, but I don’t show her any pity. It’s the last thing she wants. 

She tells me about the memory care facility where her father will be living, and she tries to sound cheerful but her efforts fall flat. Though I know with absolute certainty that CJ is providing her father with the best care available, she still carries a certain level of guilt over the situation. It’s something I can relate to on a deeper level.

She tells me that he was angry and hurtful, two words she never imagined using to describe her father.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about waiting recently,” she continues, somewhat lost in her own thoughts. “He didn’t do a lot of waiting in his life. There’s no time like the present, he’d always say. And then he’d just... go. He’d announce that he’d always wanted to visit The Badlands at dinner on Wednesday night and Saturday morning we’d be loading into the car. He wanted to learn how to sail? The next day we’re at the library checking out a few books and using small lengths of rope to learn how to tie knots. He didn’t push his happiness down the line for years to come. I suppose I take consolation in the fact that he enjoyed his life.”

I don’t interrupt, partially because I realize it’s therapeutic for her to get this off of her chest, and partially because I’m not sure what to say. She’s telling me of a man that lived fully, and embraced what the world offered him. That resonates with me. My mind drifts to the one area of my life where I’ve remained restrained. For the last four and a half years, I’ve held myself back. I keep waiting for a better time, telling myself that if circumstances were different, I could truly acknowledge my feelings for Donna. I should know as well as anyone, though, that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. 

We orbit each other, Donna and I. She’s become such an integral part of my life that sometimes I’m not sure if I can remember what life was like before I met her, but lately I feel the void between the personal and professional components of my life deepening. I can’t quite put my finger on the moment that I realized the depth of my feelings for her, but it wasn’t long ago. There’s been something between us from the moment we met; a connection, a spark. Over the years it’s grown into something deeper. Yes, she’s my most trusted ally and my best friend, but it’s more than that too. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but she’s stayed by my side. I’d like to believe that I don’t take her for granted, and that she understands what she means to me, but I’ve never been very good at putting myself out there. It wasn’t until a few months ago, when I was talking her up to Jack Reese at her request, that it hit me. And believe me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m in love with Donna. 

I take a deep breath, coaxing myself to ignore the thoughts of Donna that have circulated in the forefront of my mind for the last few weeks, and focus back on CJ. My friend needs me. 

CJ tells me about her father’s time as a teacher, and his community involvement. His passion for music and love of fishing. And then, with a heavy heart, she tells me that his current wife left him. Couldn’t handle what they know is coming. Couldn’t, or rather wouldn’t, resign herself to a life of caring for her husband. I don’t have the strength to consider the implications of her actions, but an image of Donna sitting next to me, gently holding my hand in a GW waiting room during my darkest hour, immediately flashes in my mind. I shake my head to bring myself back to reality. I can’t go there right now.

CJ tells me about settling her father into his room at the assisted living facility and that’s when her thoughts really begin to tumble out. Trying to make sense of the paperwork and the bank accounts. Attempting to go through the contents of his house which was, at this point, a borderline disaster. A lifetime of work. A lifetime of memories. And all of them were lost to Tal. 

“I still have loads to do. But it was just too much to handle on one trip,” she confesses.

“No need to rush anything,” I reassure her. “But if you need a hand on the next trip back to Ohio, just say the word. You know I’ll be there. Donna too. If you need help making any arrangements she’d be glad to help out. You know how organized she is. In the meantime, Sam and I would be happy to sort through the paperwork.”

“Thank you, Josh.” CJ looks up and gives me a soft smile.

“Any time,” I reassure her the best that I can. “We’re all here for you.”


	2. Donna

Josh pulls his car into a spot down the block from my building and cuts the engine. He offered to give me a ride home when we were finished for the night. He’s always been attentive to my needs, and very conscious of my safety, but tonight, when I told him I’d ended things with Jack, it felt like something shifted within him. We’d been relatively silent inside the car, but I turned to look at him when I sensed something was on his mind. He’s been deep in thought for the better part of the last hour.

“What’s going on, Josh?”

“Nothing.” He stares at the steering wheel, a look of understanding on his face, as though he’s just figuring out one of the great mysteries of life. 

“Josh...” I know him better than to let it go, and he’s aware of this fact. 

He’s silent for a beat before I speak again. 

“Is she doing okay?” I ask softly. 

“CJ?”

“Yes.” 

He glances over to where I’m sitting in the passenger seat. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” I clarify, “I’m not asking what she said- I wouldn’t expect you to betray her confidence. I just wanted to make sure-“

“She’s okay.” He reassures, understanding my sentiment. “As okay as she can be, I suppose.”

“She talked to you?” I try not to pry, but I find myself asking nonetheless.

“Sort of. I think she was hesitant at first, but then it all came tumbling out. I know she may not have expected me to be the one that asked, but I can understand where she’s coming from. And I don’t want her to feel alone.”

I reach across and grab his hand, feeling a pang in my chest. It physically pains me to think about him feeling alone in the world. He still has his mother, but she too was aging and they don’t see each other very often. Josh has his job, I remind myself, and he’s never really wanted anything else. But still, he has me, too. 

“She’s not alone, Josh. And neither are you.” 

He gives me a sad smile and though I know he believes me, I can also tell there’s still something weighing on his mind. 

“Come on,” he eventually takes a deep breath and tries to change the conversation. “I’ll walk you to your door.” 

We’re only a few steps down the sidewalk when I wrap my arm around him, walking close to him. 

“I meant it, Josh.” I circle back to our conversation in his car. “You’re not alone. You know that, right?”

“Donna, today alone you walked into my office without knocking no less than 6 times. You screen my calls and email my mother and much to my horror, you once bought me underwear.” 

“Yours had holes in the-“

“Donna!” He practically yelps in embarrassment.

I lean in a little closer to him, a smile creeping across my face.

“So I guess this is all my way of saying that I know I’m not alone. Still, somehow that seems… different.”

“I didn’t really mean…” I trail off and bite my lip, trying to gather my thoughts.

“What didn’t you mean?” He stops walking in the middle of the sidewalk and turns to face me.

“It’s just that... With the being around people? It’s not the same. I was trying to tell you that I’ll always be here, if you want me.”

“If I want you?” His face contorts in an odd way. 

“Yes. I mean, in the sense that you want a friend or-“

“I don’t want you as just a lifelong friend.” He stares at me intently. 

“Oh.” My heart sinks. And then I realize he said just a lifelong friend. My pulse quickens at the implication. 

“Donnatella?” My name rolls off of his tongue with a delicacy that makes me weak in the knees as his hand gently tips my chin up to meet his gaze. As soon as my eyes meet his, I understand what he’s trying to tell me.

I swallow hard, not breaking the stare. I think I understand what he’s trying to tell me, but I need him to find the words. I can usually decipher Josh’s meaning from just a glance or his muddled way of communicating with me, but this is the one exception I won’t make. We both need to come up with the courage to have this conversation. 

“I don’t want to waste any more time,” he tells me. “Life is short and you never know what it’s going to throw at you. I don’t want to live my life with regrets over things I can change.”

“Do you have any regrets in your life right now?” I ask in a voice barely above a whisper.

“One.” He responds softly, leaning in to barely touch his lips to mine. 

Time stands still under the yellow glow of an Adams-Morgan streetlamp, the noise of the city fading away around us as the snow flurries to the ground. All I see is Josh, and all he sees is me. And I know he truly sees me, so the nerves I felt a few moments ago are replaced by a rush of warmth inside of me. I’ve never been so open with another person, and I’ve never felt so instantly at home in his arms. 

He pulls away only slightly, his lips millimeters from mine and I can still feel his breath. I wonder if he can feel my racing heart? My lips find his once again and I wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls me close and deepens the kiss, leaving no question that his desires are much the same as mine. 

I’m not sure how much time has elapsed when we part, his forehead leaning against mine as I attempt to steady myself. He’s catching his breath and I’m physically weak in the knees, a feeling that up until this point in my life I chalked up to hyperbole. He closes his eyes and it feels as though he's simply reveling in the moment. I’ve always seen a tender side to Josh, but to be on the receiving end of his affection is like nothing I could ever imagine. 

I shiver, though it’s likely not from the cold, and it pulls him back to reality. I hate that it breaks the spell of our moment together, but he doesn’t pull away.

“You should get inside,” he tells me, taking his hand in mine and walking the few steps to my front door. 

“Would you like to come in and warm up,” I offer, feeling slightly vulnerable. 

“I would. God, would I ever,” he smirks, giving me another small kiss. “But I don’t think I should. Not tonight.”

“Oh.” I try to mask my disappointment. 

“I’d like to take you to dinner first,” the words spill out of his mouth, and I can feel the smile return to my face. He leans in closer, his forehead resting against mine. “I’m not good at this kind of stuff, Donna. But I’m not going to do anything that could ruin things between you and I. I want to do it right. I’m going to woo you.”

“You’re going to woo me?” I ask, a mischievous tone in my voice. 

“I am. I’m going to take you to dinner. I’m going to send you flowers. I’m going to do… other stuff.”

I smirk at him. “Oh yeah?”

“Donna!” He practically yelps. “Not that! Well, not just that. I meant buy you jewelry and take you dancing, and home to meet my mother.” 

“I already know your mother.”

He laughs softly. “Yes. You do.”

“I don’t need all of those things, Josh.” I assure him. “I just need you. And do you know what else? I’m not very good at this either. But maybe, this time, we don’t need to make it harder than it is. Hmm?”

He gives me a soft smile and wraps me tight in his arms. I can feel him relax. 

“What about this, then?” He suggests. “I come up for a cup of coffee or... something... tonight, and tomorrow I take you out to dinner.”

“Okay.” I nod, a bright smile on my face. I can’t hide my happiness.

“And then, next week, you join me as my official date to the inaugural balls?” He stares at the ground for a moment before nervously awaiting my response.

“Josh…” The gravity of his request isn’t lost on me. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He nods, cupping my face as his thumb grazes across my cheek. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Are you?”

He isn’t acting on an impulse. He isn’t looking for something casual. He’s asking me to make this official.

“I am.” I grin at him. 

He beams back at me like I’ve hung the moon, both of his dimples popping out. I decide on the spot there’s little that could ever top this feeling. 

“Okay,” he bounces a bit on the balls of his feet before leaning in to kiss me again, just because he can, before opening the door for me. “Let’s make the best of every minute we have.”


End file.
